2006: It's about the comeback.

It’s 11:55pm, December 31st, 2005: five more minutes left before this year ticks out… at least in the Central Standard Time Zone. For those who live in Greenwich, England (world time since 1884, baby!), it is five minutes shy of six hours into the New Year already. It won’t be the New Year for another two hours for those who live in sunny California. I can think of other reference points and cite this exciting statistic for hours, but the point is, regardless of when it actually happens, the transition into the New Year is taking place all over the world – at least for those whose calendars are kept in the Gregorian system – which is, pretty much, everyone.

I can hear the sounds of whistles, cheers and firecrackers echoing through the chilly night on the street and seeping into the silence and reaching my hearing as the clock silently sets into 12:00 AM, January 1st, 2006. A few miles south on Navy Pier, I imagine that the enormous crowd that has amassed there to celebrate the New Year with the firework and countdown tradition as burst into a giant cheer as Auld Lang Sine is blasted through the speaker systems. Such celebratory cheers, however, are probably best left to supposition; at my messy little desk in my studio apartment, no major events have taken place in the last seven minutes since the transition into the New Year that is worthy of note. Well, I forgot to set my stupid computer clock back to CST when I returned from Maryland, so technically, my clock reads: 1:08 AM.

Shit, just eight minutes into the New Year and I’m already falling an hour behind.

I haven’t written a journal entry for close to two months, as evidenced by the absence of any activity on this little blog the past couple of months. Good, sound sleep -- anywhere close to the recommended 8-9 hours a day -- seems like a memory of a much distant past. I have not been able to completely shake off the lingering symptoms of the nasty cold that had me dragging my butt the past few weeks, and I’m completely and thoroughly soaked to the bone with the fatigue and weariness from enduring through the crazy travels, relentless work and social/personal obligations that left no room for even an afternoon’s worth of idle leisure and desperately needed repose. Forced to eschew the ‘empty tank’ light for the last God-knows-how-many miles, I know that I am puttering into a broken-down halt with lots of damages; it’ll take some major repair work before I am back in working order. I just hope that none of the damages are permanent. Well, who am I kidding? Pay the piper and the rats leave, but the mess they left behind will take some time to clean up… gotta pick up that broom start sweeping; those rat bastards left a lot of turd all over the place!

A few places to start right away:

Healthy body is a healthy mind. (Well, I think I’ve heard it put in a much more elegant way before, but this will do.) The cold brought me down pretty hard, but the physical illness can be tolerated; it’s the loss of appetite for activities and passion that was unbearable. I guess this is what my mom always says about how envious she is of youthful vitality. Discipline, economic time/priority management and robust health can buffer almost all but the most stressful and demanding assault on my personal balance, but it’s like stacking up a perilous pile; being sick was the tipping point that sent the whole heap crashing. Being buried under the mass sucks. Gotta get my health back in order.

Mom’s always right… well, not really, but there are times when her observation turns out to be uncannily spot on. On my last visit home a week ago, she mentioned that from what she’s seen the few days while I was home for Christmas, at work and other places, I am probably killing myself, catering to every demand made on me at the expense of my personal well being. She added that while others will have no problem taking as much as I’m willing to give, I need to watch what I’m leaving myself with. (Shit. Perhaps she was right after all about the whole vegetables being good for you stuff as well!) I think that what she meant was probably along the lines of physical effort, but when I reflect on it, I can also see that what she said also applied dead on with how I’m managing my time, my emotions, my finances, and my priorities. It does not even take a glance at the gauges to confirm; in all of the categories, the needle’s tapping the ‘empty’ mark and I feel completely wasted. I need to take back the balance. I need more time for 'me.' I still have so much to nurture and to develop.

Don’t believe the hype. Too many times this year, I’ve fallen into the trap of putting too much value on what fattens my resume and my finance statement, and I found that this made me extremely wary of failure and it also uncovered this all-too-comfortable inclination for the predictable and profitable. (As Beavis and Butthead has aptly put it: "dude... it, like, kinda sucks".) However, this year also brought many fortunate things that reminded me that what’s truly valuable in life are often times utterly impossible to predict (or at least getting the results to match the predictions) and ‘finance’ is probably the least worthy measure for the gains that truly enriches my life. Too bad the latter are not as hyped up as things like money and fame. Yay for family, friendship, love, loyalty, stewardship, compassion, humility, and passion!

It ain’t about the come up; it’s about the comeback. I feel like I’ve been set back in quite a few things the past few months and I’m sprawled in a bloody heap on the canvas. I still got some fight left in me, though. I hope that I’ll come back swinging, punching, kicking in 2006(and biting and scratching and poking in the eye and punching in the gonads).

Friends, happy New Year to you, and best wishes to us all. My most sincere gratitude for those of you whose friendship never fails to remind me of what are truly important in one's life; your friendship is a special gift, generously given, happily accepted, and deeply appreciated. May your 2006 be an exceptionally bright spot full of unbridled joy and true happiness.

(Okay, so mentioning 'punching in the gonads' and holiday greetings in the same breath is highly unconventional, but that's how scrambled I am right now... may I regain a better sense of balance, soon!)