rut

Daily, CNN and WSJ tell me “news” about the same thing – murder trials, corporate scandals, election and politics, war in Iraq – and it feels as if I can just throw random key words that relate to these topics in a jar, give it a good shake, turn it upside down onto a table and out comes tomorrow’s news.

My thoughts are struck in a rut these days. I catch myself repeating the same things about the same revelations I struck a few months back, and nothing has progressed beyond these initial revelations. I find myself mindlessly flipping through channels in bed, as if I’m observing the items laid out on a lazy Susan rotating past my lazy view with no appetite for anything.

Why is this happening? Even the stirring of ‘passion’ in my heart – whether it is of romantic or intellectual origin – just feels like scripted reaction to familiar stimuli. Reading has become mechanical, and there’s no real deep pleasure in things I read. I find myself consciously retracting my hands from pulling out books from the bookshelf that I know “should” reawaken a vigorous spirit from within, but instead, I reach for entertainment magazines.

When was the last time I felt truly inspired? Save me from the false desires.
... I just realized that despite all this, I'm so busy that I don't even have time to have nothing to do and be bored shitless... now, something is DEFINITELY wrong here.