You are inadequate, but the Spartans are here to help

According to the movie, 300, you can pretty much name any culture in the 5th century (e.g. Arcadians, Asians, Athenians... just to be alphabetical) -- in other words, "those who were not Spartans in the era between the rise of city states and when Romans showed up
-- and they deserve our collective contempt and pity. Well, because they. were. not. SPARTAAAAAAAANS! In some aspects, the Spartans were the Chuck Norrises of the 5th century B.C. world:

• We have democracy today only because the Spartans let us.
• Spartans don't eat. They kill until they're full.
• There's no record of alien sightings in ancient Greece, because Spartans killed them all.

Most of the film critics who reviewed this movie could not seem to pry their gaze away from the pecs and abs, and it's too bad that their ramblings dwell too much on the style, but even besides the amazing anime-like cinematography, the timeless theme of "the final stand" is enough to make this movie a must-view on my list. I finally caught it at the new Lowes Theater in Georgetown, and it's a pity that I watched it alone -- oh, what fun I could have had, barking up "Spartanized" one liners ("blah blah blah... FOR GLORY!") with buddies all afternoon long. (Sadly, I had to satiate such sophomoric urge with leaving my brother a predictably lame voicemail.)

The movie maker bolstered the movie's theme with a Emeril-worthy peppering of rather irrelevant references to fighting for freedom and preservation of democracy (Want more reference to freedom? "BAM!" There you go.), and just like the gratuitous heaping of cayenne peppers, the movie really didn't need it -- the raw desperation and honor of "the final stand" should have been enough.

Growing up in Korea during the early eighties, the militant propaganda designed to drill children with Confucian ideals of achieving honor and glory through allegiance to the country and sacrifice for greater good have been a dominant factor in my elementary education (after all, the country is still technically at war with our communist brethren), and having emigrated before I was old enough to develop my own perspectives on these, these ideals have lodged themselves firmly in my core values and manifest themselves in the weirdest aspects of my life. (For the better or for worse, I'd have made an ideal military officer candidate.) Nonetheless, I reckon this is a big reason why I find themes like the last stand at Battle of Thermopolae so appealing.

Reflecting on the movie's theme in a bar a few hours later, I recalled reading an article a few years ago about Pat Tillman, a Cardinal's player who gave up a lucrative NFL career to serve his country in the post-9/11 army. Most people are afraid to make a bold statement or firm commitment, preferring instead, clever and ingenious ways to weasel they way out of real responsibilities and mask less-than-noble intentions with altruistic claims. (To me, they sounded awfully similar to the "boy-loving Athenians" the Spartans were joking about in a scene.) Well, I guess I'm just coming back to the "... but not all men live" Braveheart line again.

I wish the movie had spent a tad bit less effort on tweaking the visual contrast that would make the pecs and the abs "pop," and more on developing scenes that show what beats beneath the muscle... Leonidas' got ample treatment, but it was unfortunate that most of the other two hundred and ninety nine were treated more like graphical emphasis, not much more interesting than the wall of Persian corpses in the backdrop. Rather than having the audience admire the Spartans, it would have been nice to have walked out of the movie theater feeling like one of the three hundred.